<h1 style="text-align: center;">My Worst One Nite Stand Competition</h1>
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<p><em>In this weekend series, authors write about their worst sex/one-night-stands. Vote on the best one with a Facebook ‘like’ – at the end of the year, the winner gets a house in Cleveland, or some such prize. ed :-)</em></p>
<p>So I was newly single, and willing and wanting to fuck anything that walked. I went home for the weekend to hang out with the family and some friends. One Saturday night we ended up at the Eberly’s per usual, since they were the only ones who still lived in Bakersfield and owned a house. Well, Amy’s older brother has this best friend -”Johnny”- 6’5, a buck 50 and all ears, but somehow still kind of cute. Fuck, who am I kidding! I have known John for my whole life: he grew up with my brother playing baseball. Poor kid just never grew into those ears.</p>
<p>So Johnny likes to drink and get very loud – the quintessential guy who light fireworks out of his ass for a laugh. He has tried to hook up with me several times in the past but I was never drunk enough, until this dreadful night. I don’t even remember how is started, but before I knew it I was in the spare bedroom which is fucking nicer than my bedroom at home.</p>
<p>We are both shit-faced. He is kissing me like a high-school kid who just hasn’t figured out yet how or where to put his tongue: our teeth are hitting, my face is being licked and by this point he is dripping sweat. The bed was so wet with his sweat I thought he pissed the mattress. All I could think is, “what in the fuck am I doing; am I really this desperate?”</p>
<p>Guess I was. Clothes come off and excited to get at least get big penis in me when all I feel is a fucking # 2 pencil: long, skinny, hard. At one point I was not sure if he was even in me. I am laying there wanting this to end but of course he has drunk dick and can go all night.</p>
<p>We finally stop and I needed some fresh air. We went into the back yard to smoke a cig. He is naked with the fucking condom still on because he still wants to fuck me and knows I will not if he doesn’t have a condom on, and of course he only had one. The whole time he is drunk sloppy smoking his cig and speaking only in Spanish which he knew maybe 5 words. We head back into the bedroom and go at it again until I can’t take it anymore and finally get the balls to throw him off of me. He rolls over and passes out, mumbling that he loved me.</p>
<p>The next morning I was hoping to get out before he woke up, but no such luck. One would assume that he would be embarrassed and there would be no small talk, but now he tells me how much he likes me and how he wants me to go home with him and spend the day with his fucking parents. I bullshit my way out of that one. He finally left, and I stripped the bed of nastiness and threw them in the washer. Went home and cried.</p>
<p>John calls me all the time but I haven’t seen that pencil dick since, thank the Jesus.</p>
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